


The 3rd Gym

by rarestsenpai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 3rd gym babies, bokuto needs to chill, chatroom fic, someone pls save akaashi, there's like some swearing in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6485599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarestsenpai/pseuds/rarestsenpai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo wins Bro of the Year, Bokuto is convinced of his destiny as an owl and Akaashi just wants to be a single mom.</p><p>A touching chatroom fic about bromance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 3rd Gym

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I write try to poetry and sometimes I end up with this.  
> I dedicate this fic to my bro-of-honour, seth.
> 
> also, 100/10 recommend you click on the video link kuroo sends. it's my fav thing in the world.

 

_6 August, 2:16 P.M._

[Kuroo]: what r u doing

[Bokuto]: reading owl facts

[Kuroo]: nice

[Bokuto]: kubroo

[Kuroo]: yeah brokuto

[Kuroo]: ?

[Bokuto]: i’m like a great horned owl rite????

[Kuroo]: ur the best great horned owl bruh

[Bokuto]: thanks

[Bokuto]: but uhh here’s the thing

[Bokuto]: i just found out owls hunt other owls?????

[Kuroo]: cool

[Bokuto]: and like great horned owls are like at the top

[Kuroo]: ok and

[Bokuto]: SO LIKE WHAT IF I END UP EAITNG AKAASHI

[Kuroo]: dUDE YOU WON’T

[Bokuto]: LIKE WHAT FI I WAKE UP ONE MORNIGNG AND AKAASHI IS ALREADY LIKEHALFWAY ON HSI JOURNEY DOWN M Y THROAT AND IM SO SORRY AKAASH IDIDNT MEAN TO EAT OYU FJLEFKEWFKLWF

[Kuroo]: bRO CHILL

 

_2:55 P.M._

[Kuroo]: ok i did some research

[Kuroo]: great horned owls hunt barred owls but it doesn’t say anything about rufous legged owls

[Kuroo]: and like great horned owls are like found in north america mostly and like rufous leggedowls are like in chile and argentina which is so not north america

[Kuroo]: basically akaashi’s safe 

[Bokuto]: bRO

[Kuroo]: bRO

[Bokuto]: you did all that research for me????????

[Kuroo]: of course, you’re my bro bRUH

[Bokuto]: bRUH

[Kuroo]: bRUH

[Bokuto]: bRUH

[Kuroo]: bRUHHHHHHHHH

[Bokuto]: bRUHHHHHHHHHH

[Kuroo]: bRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Bokuto]: bRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Bokuto]: im crying bruh

[Kuroo]: bruh i’m here for you always

[Bokuto]: oWLWAYS

[Kuroo]: bruh

[Bokuto]: but wait

[Kuroo]: ?

[Bokuto]: like if akaashi’s all the way in chile argentina and im like in the north

[Bokuto]: doesn’t that mean we’re separated? ???????

[Bokuto]: im so fAR AWAY FROM AKAASHI???????????

[Bokuto]: he cAN’T TOSS TO M E ANYMORE????????????

[Bokuto]: IM SO SAD DDDDDDDD:

[Kuroo]: bruh akaashi’s not going to go away from u

[Kuroo]: ur both stuck in the same school in japan btw

[Kuroo]: akaashi’s basically like ur mom and he’ll probably follw u wherever u go

[Kuroo]: follow

[Bokuto]: you really thibk so???

[Kuroo]: i KNOW so

[Bokuto]: so like if i go to hogwarts akaashi will go there too?

[Kuroo]: yeah bruh

[Bokuto]: okay but then we meet at the owlery and like im a great horned and akaash’s like arufous legged

[Bokuto]: and im still gonna eND UP EATING HIM???????????

[Bokuto]: IM A MURDERER

[Kuroo]: bro

[Bokuto]: I DONT DESERVE AKASAHDI

[Kuroo]: ur not gonna eat him

[Bokuto]: KEEP HIM AWAY RFOM ME

[Kuroo]: bro breathe

[Kuroo]: bro u love me right

[Bokuto]: ye bro

[Kuroo]: would u eat me

[Bokuto]: no never

[Kuroo]: would u eat akaashi

[Bokuto]: no never

[Kuroo]: and why

[Bokuto]: cause I love him

[Kuroo]: see, it’s fine. he’s safe

[Bokuto]: oh

[Kuroo]: yeah

[Bokuto]: ty bro

[Kuroo]: np

 

_7 August, 10:32 A.M._

[Bokuto]: HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

[Kuroo]: mORE LIKE HAPPY BROSHIP DAY 

[Bokuto]: YOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Kuroo]: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Kuroo]: made u a present

[Bokuto]: bRO

[Kuroo]: here <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_U9uPVoK64>

 

 

_10:52 A.M._

[Bokuto]: BRO

[Bokuto]: I LOVE IT

[Bokuto]: WATCHED IT LIKE 100000 TIMES

[Bokuto]: BEST THING EVER A++

[Kuroo]: only the best for my best bro

[Bokuto]: well when u get married, im not just gonna be your best bro

[Bokuto]: im gonna be your bEST MAN

[Kuroo]: BRO

[Kuroo]: u know what would b even better?

[Kuroo]: u as my gROOM

[Kuroo]: bro?

[Kuroo]: bokuto?

[Bokuto]: BRO IM SPEECHLESS

[Bokuto]: BRO YES

[Bokuto]: hold on

 

_Bokuto added Akaashi to this conversation_

 

[Bokuto]: akaashi

[Bokuto]: kuroo and i need to get married

 

_Akaashi left this conversation_

 

_Bokuto added Akaashi to this conversation_

 

[Akaashi]: Why

[Bokuto]: can’t do this alone without my vice-cap

[Kuroo]: this is v important

[Bokuto]: turning the 3rd gym into a wedding place thingy

[Akaashi]: No

[Kuroo]: Please

[Bokuto]: pls x100000000

[Akaashi]: The two of you getting married would result in a complete disaster.

[Bokuto]: HE SAID YES

[Kuroo]: did he??

[Bokuto]: yeah thats like akaashi talk for im down with it

[Akaashi]: Bokuto, you know that’s not what I meant.

[Bokuto]: akaashi you love me

[Akaashi]: I never said anything about that

[Bokuto]: And you would do anything for me.

[Bokuto]: and that includes tossing the ball to me

[Bokuto]: i trust you 5ever

[Bokuto]: forgot where I was going with this

 

_3:05 P.M._

[Kuroo]: oh yeah bro

[Bokuto]: yeah?

[Kuroo]: i was at the pet store the other day

[Bokuto]: nice

[Kuroo]: yeah and like i saw this owl-shaped cat toy

[Bokuto]: omg nO WAY :O

[Kuroo]: look

 

_Kuroo sent a photograph_

[Bokuto]: tHATS LIKE THE TWO OF US COMBINED

[Bokuto]: im gonna buy it for you

[Kuroo]: BRUHHHHHHH

[Kuroo]: if u buy it for me, i’ll treasure it 6ever

[Bokuto]: //wipes tear that’s longer than 5ever

[Kuroo]: exactly

 

_Akaashi left the conversation_

 

_Kuroo added Akaashi to the conversation_

 

[Akaashi]: Please let me go.

[Bokuto]: we love you akaash dont leave me

[Kuroo]: we need ur love akaashi

[Kuroo]: and like if u could swap kneepads with bokuto

[Akaashi]: Why would I

[Bokuto]: bRO

[Kuroo]: dont question it

 

_8 August, 8:15 A.M._

[Bokuto]: helppp akaashi’s mAD

[Akaashi]: Can someone explain to me why we have a baby stroller in the middle of the gym.

[Akaashi]: And there’s some owl toy in it

[Akaashi]: And I can’t remove the stroller to start practice because someone thought it would be a great idea to CEMENT it down onto the floors.

[Akaashi]: WOODEN FLOORS.

[Kuroo]: bruh where’d u get the cement

[Bokuto]: shit akaashi im so sorry

[Akaashi]: Fuck you

[Bokuto]: but I needed to make sure no one took him away

[Bokuto]: he s an owl-shaped cat toy

[Bokuto]: and hes mine and kuroos beloved son

[Kuroo]: the product of bromance

[Akaashi]: I give you both ten fucking seconds to hide

[Akaashi]: Then I’ll come after the two of you

[Akaashi]: And finally rip your faces off

[Akaashi]: Deal? 

[Akaashi]: I’m coming now

[Kuroo]: stay safe bro

[Bokuto]: you too 

[Bokuto]: love you 

[Akaashi]: I can hear your fucking phone chiming from within the storage room, Bokuto-san.

[Bokuto]: fCUCK

[Kuroo]: bro u ok?

[Kuroo]: bokuto????????????????

[Kuroo]: i’ll miss you bro

[Akaashi]: Kuroo-san, you’re next.

[Kuroo]: oh fuck

 

_9 August, 10:05 P.M._

 

_Bokuto added Hinata to the conversation_

 

_Kuroo added Tsukishima to the conversation_

 

[Bokuto]: bruhhhhhhh

[Kuroo]: bRUHHHHHHHHH

[Bokuto]: you know what this means

[Kuroo]: 3RD GYM REUNION

[Hinata]: I’M S O HONOUREDDDDDD :DDDDDDD

[Bokuto]: SON

[Hinata]: DAD!!

[Kuroo]: please don’t tell me this is some daddy kink

[Hinata]: what’s that??

[Akaashi]: It’s nothing. Don’t you dare search it up.

[Hinata]: why not??

[Akaashi]: Are you done with your homework yet?

[Hinata]: yes

[Akaashi]: Are you sure.

[Akaashi]: Don’t lie to your mother.

[Hinata]: no mom 

[Hinata]: I’ll go do it now

[Akaashi]: Good.

 

_ 10:22 P.M. _

[Kuroo]: HAHA AKAASHI WHEN DID YOU AND BOKUTO ADOPT A CHILD

[Akaashi]: We didn’t.

[Akaashi]: Hinata’s my child. And only mine.

[Akaashi]: Soon.

[Akaashi]: When I get full custody of him.

[Bokuto]: rUDE

[Bokuto]: hey tsukishima hasn't said anything yet

 

_Tsukishima left this conversation._

 

_Kuroo added Tsukishima to this conversation._

 

[Bokuto]: hey tsukishima i have a question

[Tsukishima]: what.

[Bokuto]: if your gay

[Bokuto]: youre gay*

[Bokuto]: why do you like following volleyball rules

[Tsukishima]: wtf

[Kuroo]: lmao bokuto ur gay

[Kuroo]: and u follow rules lol

[Bokuto]: lmao oh yeah lol

[Tsukishima]: I’m not even going to dignify your question with an answer.

[Bokuto]: hey you know what kuroo

[Kuroo]: what

[Bokuto]: everyone on this chat is gay

[Kuroo]: OH DAMN

[Kuroo]: guess we really do like playing with balls

[Bokuto]: heh heh

 

_Tsukishima left this conversation._

 

[Akaashi]: Bokuto-san, we have practice tomorrow. You’d better go to sleep.

[Bokuto]: not yet akaashi 

[Bokuto]: im gonna stay up a little longer to finish reading these owl facts

[Kuroo]: ok bro, not too late now

[Bokuto]: yeah night bro

[Kuroo]: night

 

_11:46 P.M._

[Bokuto]: IM SO SORRDJY HINATA I DIDNTMEAN TO EAT YO U 

 

_10 August, 7:30 A.M._

[Akaashi]: What the fuck Bokuto-san

[Akaashi]: Why did you message the whole team to wear black today

[Bokuto]: Akaashi im terrible father

[Bokuto]: Im gonna end up eating hinata

[Bokuto]: apparently great horned owls hunt crows too DDDDD:

[Kuroo]: bro omg

[Bokuto]: im so sorry hinataydsakjg,hLVKJSAFSLK

 [Kuroo]: we can’t let you read anymore owl facts

[Bokuto]: iM GONNA END UP EATING TSUKISHIMA TOO IM TERRIEGIOGJDLKDLFDKFJD

[Kuroo]: woah bro u won’t

[Kuroo]: everything will b ok

[Kuroo]:i’m coming over rn ok?

[Bokuto]: okay

[Bokuto]: thanks bro

[Kuroo]: np

 

_12 August, 7:23 P.M._

[Akaashi]: You know

[Akaashi]: Today’s practice has been really weird 

[Akaashi]: Would you happen to know why 

[Akaashi]: Kuroo-san?

[Kuroo]: why’d you just assume I had something to do with it?

[Akaashi]: Well

[Akaashi]: Whenever Bokuto-san does something really stupid 

[Akaashi]: You’re usually involved

[Akaashi]: 100% of the time.

[Akaashi]: Also, you were at our practice today.

[Kuroo]: Was I????? ??

[Kuroo]: Ok ok I was

[Kuroo]: u look good in bokuto’s kneepads btw

[Bokuto]: AKAASHI

[Bokuto]: ONAGA’S CRYING IN THE STORAGE ROOM 

[Bokuto]: hE’S JUST A FIRST YEAR

[Bokuto]: hAVE MERCY

[Akaashi]: Bokuto-san, I merely asked him if he knew why there was a queue in the gym today.

[Akaash]i: He just gave me a ticket and then disappeared for the rest of practice.

[Akaashi]: By the way, this ticket has “Akaashi’s Leg Squad” printed on it. Would you both care to explain?

[Kuroo]: akaashi you gotta promise you won’t b mad

[Akaashi]: I’ll be mad

[Bokuto]: I TOLD YOU SO KUROO

[Akaashi]: I’m waiting.

[Kuroo]: so uhh bro, you

[Kuroo]: me

[Kuroo]: who’s gonna say it

[Bokuto]: it’s ok, I’ll take one for you bro

[Kuroo]: ily

[Bokuto]: so like you know how my kneepads create this revealing strip of skin near my shorts

[Bokuto]: lets just say it looks really, really good on you 

[Kuroo]: you have nice thighs. nice legs

[Bokuto]: yeah so like we started selling tickets 

[Kuroo]: wait what

[Bokuto]: like front-row, 2nd row and all that

[Bokuto]: to help raise funds for our volleyball club  

[Kuroo]: there were tickets??????

[Bokuto]: how mad are you rn akaashi

[Kuroo]: bro y didnt u save me a front row seat

[Bokuto]: the tickets were in really high demand

[Bokuto]: can u blame me tho

[Kuroo]: nah man, I forgive you

[Kuroo]: u gave me the best view from the floor

[Kuroo]: even though akaashi stepped on my face a couple of times

[Kuroo]: it was great

[Akaashi]: I hope you’ve both written your will

[Hinata]: Mom, please don’t kill dad

[Akaashi]: I’m so sorry Hinata, it’s too late.

[Hinata]: :’(

 

_13 August, 11:05 A.M._

 

_Akaashi added Tsukishima to the conversation_

 

[Kuroo]: Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments 

[Akaashi]: I think that’s for starting wedding ceremonies.

[Kuroo]: shit ok I didn’t check what I copied and pasted

[Bokuto]: gET REKT KUROO

[Akaashi]: You’re both suppose to be dead, stop talking.

[Hinata]: DADDY I MISS YOU

[Akaashi]: Hush, Hinata. Mommy’s gotten full custody of you.

[Hinata]: :’(

[Bokuto]: how come tsukishima isn’t protesting about being added back?

[Tsukishima]: because unlike you, I don’t plan on making the mistake of crossing Akaashi

[Akaashi]: That’s my son.

[Kuroo]: sON???????

[Bokuto]: WHAT THE HECK AKAASHI

[Bokuto]: I THOUGHT YOU WOULD DISCUSS WITH ME FIRST BEFORE YOU ADOPTED ANOTHER CHILD 

[Akaashi]: Bokuto-san, this is now a single-parent family so if you would please go back to beingdead. 

[Bokuto]: fIRST YOU TAKE HINATA AND NOW YOU TAKE TSUKISHIMA????? 

[Tsukishima]: It’s not like I’m pleased about being siblings with Hinata either.

[Hinata]: mEANIE

[Kuroo]: so

[Kuroo]: like if I marry tsukishima

[Kuroo]: does that make akaashi my mom in law

[Kuroo]: like my aCTUAL MOM

[Bokuto]: dUDE

[Kuroo]: and you’d be my dad

[Akaashi]: Bokuto-san is NOT my husband.

[Bokuto]: BROOOO

[Kuroo]: no, ur no longer my bro

[Bokuto]: nO

[Kuroo]: it’s the end of bro jokes

[Bokuto]: NO

[Bokuto]: NO WAY

[Kuroo]: *sobs* I’m no longer ur bro

[Bokuto]: *cRIES*

[Bokuto]: hi nO LONGER UR BRO

[Bokuto]: IM DAD

[Akaashi]: I fucking hate all of you so much.

 

* * *

 

_11:20 P.M._

[Kuroo]: shit

[Bokuto]: ??????

[Kuroo]: just realised we fORGOT ABOUT LEV

[Bokuto]: bRUH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you've made it this far, you're amazing
> 
> fun fact but the line where bokuto says "if you're gay, why do you like following rules" was actually something a classmate asked me years ago 
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://sneakycharliesneaky.tumblr.com/)!!


End file.
